Down the Memory Lane

Five years ago, today was the happiest day of my life.

I remember smiling from ear to ear. I remember the joy, the contentment. I remember wishing that time would freeze. And though fear started to creep into my heart, I remember the love—the great love that flowed to my veins and went straight into my soul.

At present, I can’t feel my heart anymore. I sense my existence through my body—now screaming in exhaustion for having had to work on a Sunday. Over the years, my heart has turned into stone. Hard, cold, numb.

If someone told me five years ago I’d end up like this, I would have laughed my head off and wonder aloud, “Are you serious?!” But this is no laughing matter now. Yes, the pain’s no longer there. Fear dominates my entire being. There are times I feel unloved. But then again, I stopped caring. I guess I got too used to it already that it just doesn’t matter anymore.

It could have been wonderful to learn to open my heart. To love again. To have someone love me again. To wake up every morning and go to sleep at night knowing that someone’s gonna be there for me no matter what happens. But at this point, I’m not ready yet. I don’t know if I ever will. I wish I would. I wish I could. But my heart refuses to listen.

I wanna live again. I wanna dream again. I wanna fly and be able to walk among the clouds again. Yes, I do want to believe again. Right now though, all I can do is remember those happy memories and wish that someday, love could happen to me one more time.